A Talk for Carly

So, my sister-by-heart Carly is getting married on Saturday, and I gave a little 'talk' at her shower...I've had lots of ladies ask me to post it so here it is...

I found a quote that I really like. “Marriage is a journey toward an unknown destination – the discovery that people must share not only what they don’t know about each other, but what they don’t know about themselves.”

 So?  This is it.  It is actually happening.  I am giving a devotional at your shower Carly.  I was trying to remember how many times Calvin and I sat on our couch chatting about the perfect man for you.  Encouraging you that one day, you would have a cool ‘story’.  Remember how you loved mine and Calvin’s ‘story’?  Do you remember how we also had to have hard conversations where I was sure you would be mad at me for a long time for telling you what I really thought you needed to hear? Or the very last couch chat we had when you came up to puppy sit for me and you had finally settled it in your heart that you were going to find the one God had for you.  Someday. 

I have a thousand memories of you Carly, the quirky little curly haired girl who always had a smile for everyone.  I feel like I’ve known you for ever, and I feel like I watched you grow from that quirky little girl to an amazing woman.  You are special to me Carly for so many reasons; I’m so excited for you.

So, this is a ‘wedding’ devotional.  What should I say?  Should I tell you that one of the most important things someone EVER told me was to not let the little things become big things?  Calvin and I have been married almost 15 years, and the truth is I really like being married!  I married my best friend….but there are days, I look at this man and wonder if he knows me at all? Communication is SO important Carly.  Don’t expect that Steve will just ‘get’ what you are trying to say.  He won’t.  Sometimes you need to spell it out for him.  Sometimes he will have to do the same for you. Remember to let your ‘YES BE YES and YOUR NO BE NO’. If he asks you something and you answer with what I call the shoulder shrug ‘no’ even though it really is the ‘nod your head yes’, then don’t be surprise d when he takes you at your word!  Enjoy ‘being’ with each other….when you like hanging out together then the conversation flows easily.   There are some staples YOU need to do, yes.  You know that God sanctioned marriage, and it’s a good thing. HE is your ever present help!  There are days when you will pray, “Lord Help ME not say the thing I REALLY want to say’.  Then there are other days when you will say ‘Sorry Lord, I shouldn’t have said that’.  (Those are the days when you will also need to say sorry to Steve!)  Be quick to forgive.  This is a lesson that took me a few years to learn.  When Calvin and I would argue, he would often say sorry first (a wee bit of a control thing on my part) and I would still be feeling hurt so I wouldn’t forgive him right away.  I would want to FEEL like I could forgive him.  Guess what?  Sometimes, you need to behave your way into a situation.  You need to say you forgive him and feel your heart soften towards him.  It actually works. 

I am so happy that you found someone who loves you for all your awesomeness Carly!  Someone musical who can spur you on to be the best Carly you can be.  I’m so excited to see who ‘Carly Hutton’ becomes!  Who she grows into…who she is on her best days and her worst days!  I have heard people say to make sure you let go of the fairy tale of what you think marriage is.  Here is what I think marriage is.  It’s hard.  It’s soft.  It’s fun.  It’s boring sometimes.  It’s repetitive.  It’s exciting.  It’s cold toes on the back of a warm leg.  Its toilet seats up and socks on the floor.  It’s being vulnerable like you never have been with another person.  It’s sexy.  It’s sometimes not so sexy. It’s never being alone. Also…it’s NEVER being alone.  It’s funny.  It’s frustrating.  It’s a learning curve.

What a wonderful time in your life that you are about to begin! Have fun, this is the time in your life that little girls dream of. I know my girls are already planning their weddings!

Remember your wedding is only one day and your marriage is forever. Enjoy every moment!