A Talk for Carly

So, my sister-by-heart Carly is getting married on Saturday, and I gave a little 'talk' at her shower...I've had lots of ladies ask me to post it so here it is...

I found a quote that I really like. “Marriage is a journey toward an unknown destination – the discovery that people must share not only what they don’t know about each other, but what they don’t know about themselves.”

 So?  This is it.  It is actually happening.  I am giving a devotional at your shower Carly.  I was trying to remember how many times Calvin and I sat on our couch chatting about the perfect man for you.  Encouraging you that one day, you would have a cool ‘story’.  Remember how you loved mine and Calvin’s ‘story’?  Do you remember how we also had to have hard conversations where I was sure you would be mad at me for a long time for telling you what I really thought you needed to hear? Or the very last couch chat we had when you came up to puppy sit for me and you had finally settled it in your heart that you were going to find the one God had for you.  Someday. 

I have a thousand memories of you Carly, the quirky little curly haired girl who always had a smile for everyone.  I feel like I’ve known you for ever, and I feel like I watched you grow from that quirky little girl to an amazing woman.  You are special to me Carly for so many reasons; I’m so excited for you.

So, this is a ‘wedding’ devotional.  What should I say?  Should I tell you that one of the most important things someone EVER told me was to not let the little things become big things?  Calvin and I have been married almost 15 years, and the truth is I really like being married!  I married my best friend….but there are days, I look at this man and wonder if he knows me at all? Communication is SO important Carly.  Don’t expect that Steve will just ‘get’ what you are trying to say.  He won’t.  Sometimes you need to spell it out for him.  Sometimes he will have to do the same for you. Remember to let your ‘YES BE YES and YOUR NO BE NO’. If he asks you something and you answer with what I call the shoulder shrug ‘no’ even though it really is the ‘nod your head yes’, then don’t be surprise d when he takes you at your word!  Enjoy ‘being’ with each other….when you like hanging out together then the conversation flows easily.   There are some staples YOU need to do, yes.  You know that God sanctioned marriage, and it’s a good thing. HE is your ever present help!  There are days when you will pray, “Lord Help ME not say the thing I REALLY want to say’.  Then there are other days when you will say ‘Sorry Lord, I shouldn’t have said that’.  (Those are the days when you will also need to say sorry to Steve!)  Be quick to forgive.  This is a lesson that took me a few years to learn.  When Calvin and I would argue, he would often say sorry first (a wee bit of a control thing on my part) and I would still be feeling hurt so I wouldn’t forgive him right away.  I would want to FEEL like I could forgive him.  Guess what?  Sometimes, you need to behave your way into a situation.  You need to say you forgive him and feel your heart soften towards him.  It actually works. 

I am so happy that you found someone who loves you for all your awesomeness Carly!  Someone musical who can spur you on to be the best Carly you can be.  I’m so excited to see who ‘Carly Hutton’ becomes!  Who she grows into…who she is on her best days and her worst days!  I have heard people say to make sure you let go of the fairy tale of what you think marriage is.  Here is what I think marriage is.  It’s hard.  It’s soft.  It’s fun.  It’s boring sometimes.  It’s repetitive.  It’s exciting.  It’s cold toes on the back of a warm leg.  Its toilet seats up and socks on the floor.  It’s being vulnerable like you never have been with another person.  It’s sexy.  It’s sometimes not so sexy. It’s never being alone. Also…it’s NEVER being alone.  It’s funny.  It’s frustrating.  It’s a learning curve.

What a wonderful time in your life that you are about to begin! Have fun, this is the time in your life that little girls dream of. I know my girls are already planning their weddings!

Remember your wedding is only one day and your marriage is forever. Enjoy every moment!

 

 

 

 

A Nine Year Journey

Sometimes I look at the top picture and can't believe it's me.....sometimes I look at the bottom one and feel the same...who is that lady?

 

I'm not trying to be anything for anyone here...I'm not trying to be an inspiration for anybody BUT, if I could say anything to anyone trying to get on a journey to health, it would be these things..

 

If you're not happy at 300 pounds, you won't be happy at 150.  I'm not saying that you won't feel BETTER or that it won't feel amazing to not have to go to the plus sized section but the truth is if you are inherently unhappy, losing anything won't fill that void. That's why people lose 100 pounds and gain it back, because something is missing.

 

It's not about the food.  We've all heard this but it's true.  It's about what the food fills.

 

It's is KINDA about the food.  I love food.  I'm a foodie, and I think life is too short to not eat chocolate, drink a mojito and enjoy some butter chicken.....so I do. I'm trying to learn what moderation means.  It's a struggle.  Daily.

 

If you don't move...it won't stick.  I am also inherently lazy (confession time) but the truth is that in order to keep the weight where it needs to be, I have to move.  The trick to this is that you have to find something you love to do.  I remember hearing people say things like 'Oh, I just love to run, I feel so amazing after'! I always thought they were totally full of crap.  Then I discovered cross country skiing and Zumba.  LOVE LOVE LOVE. However, there are still times I don't want to get out of the house and move...there are times I wish I was one of those people who could eat whatever and never work out...but I can't.  So why bother feeling sorry for myself?  I make sure I move 4 - 5 hours a week.  It's a commitment. It's not always easy but it's the only way for me.

 

It's just a number.  I get that everyone has a number in their head that they say they would be happy at...but it's just not true!  Every time I say I'll be happy at this or that, I reach it and then think...maybe 5 more pounds.  The number can't control me.  I tell myself that daily.

 

Overeating doesn't mean I've ruined everything! I do this thing...I overeat then think I've screwed up so why bother being careful...which usually ends up in me getting what I like to call 'chip drunk'.  It's exactly what it sounds like.  The TRUTH is...so what?  I screwed up.  Start over now.  Not Monday.  Not September.  Not January.  NOW.

 

Accepting a compliment is a step in the right direction.  When someone notices that I've lost weight my automatic response is to shrug it off or even deflect the comment, but the truth is, it's hard work and saying 'Thanks!' is one more way I can accept myself.

 

Comparing yourself to anyone is like drinking poison. This is true of more than just comparing our bodies of course, but my story is not your story.  My life is not your life.  My struggle is not your struggle, right?  If that was true, skinny people would be happy all the time. I have a friend who is thin, but fat in her head.  Her struggle is as valid as mine, even though she looks smaller!

 

A journey means just that.  A journey.  In this lifetime, you may never hear me say that I've arrived!  I'm finally free of this thing that consumes my mind...but what you will hear me say is that every day it's easier.  It's a little less confining.  I think about it a little less.  That my friend, is what I hope for you too.

 

 

 

 

 



You Might As Well Speak Vulcan

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACK.

Where was I?  Well, trying to think of something interesting to blog about.....and also I may have taken a little jaunt to a little island I've come fondly to think of as 'the rock'.  Not Dwayne Johnson but a quaint little province with a ton of history and alot of crazy.  That's right.  Newfoundland. 

Let's do a little Newfie numbers blog....

6950               The distance in kilometers from Smithers BC to Mainbrook, NL
6                     How many planes we took (return trip)
9                      hours of flying time...one way!
18                   members of Calvin's family who were there
1                     members of my family who were there (yay MOM!)
50                   The number of years Calvin's parents have been married
4                     The number of times I've met Calvin's parents
0                     how many days of rain we had in Newfoundland
bazillion          The number of people I met who were related to Calvin in one way or                      another...sometimes on BOTH sides of the family
9                    different kinds of food that my girls tried that they had never eaten before

• seal
• scallops
• cod fish
• rabbit
• turbot cheeks
• muscles
• turnip (yes, don't judge me)
• salt beef
• pease pudding

0                         the number of times we had a Starbucks coffee in NL.  It was very sad
1                         the number of times I tried to drink a Tim Hortons coffee.  Won't do that again.
10                       years since we had been in Newfoundland (if you know me and you know that we went to Cape Breton last fall, please...don't say, 'I thought you just went there'?  Cape Breton is in NOVA SCOTIA, and for those of us in BC, it would be like saying 'Oh, you went to Vancouver?  I thought you just went to Calgary last fall?)
15                          the number of kilometers we hiked in Gros Morne National Park (somewhere Calvin had never stopped even though he grew up in NL)
1                         UNESCO world heritage site we visited (L.Anse Aux Meadows)
1                          time that my girls went scallop dragging
4                          the number of times Calvin went fishing with his brother(s)/Dad
4.5                      the number of hours we were ahead in Newfoundland
5                        people that slept in our room the entire two weeks we were gone
19                       the number of hours we were up when we had to fly home from Newfoundland
4                        the number of days it took us to get used to BC time again
unlimited           the times I smiled at all the amazing things my girls got to do with the Elliott family

All The Things I Know....Or Don't

Ok, here's what I've noticed.

I have all kinds of female friends on Facebook (and yes, even some who aren't on FB), some are young..some are old.  Some are married, some have kids...some graduated with me 19 (GULP) years ago, some met me at youth group...some I teach or have taught their kids...and there is a theme with ALMOST all of them (I say almost so you who do not have this issue won't message me).  When it comes to how they look, they are not happy.  I don't even think they are all UNhappy...some are, and you can tell by the pictures (or lack thereof) they post (guilty as charged), but they aren't ok with how they look.

This isn't some new revelation to you, I realize...but here is the strange thing.  It doesn't seem to matter if they are thin, chubby, large and in charge, blonde, curly, short, tall...and on and on.  They aren't, ok, let's change that...WE aren't happy.  We aren't enough.

We are striving for something...perfection?  We say nothing is as good as skinny feels.... but is that true?  Have you had butter chicken and Naan bread or Heather's homemade scones?  Does skinny feel SO amazing?  I ask you skinny friends who don't look as big as me, but seem to FEEL as big as I am....is all this stress worth it?

I'm all for being healthy, which is why I overhauled my rather large A@@ and got it movin'....but it's not really what its all about is it?  Its about the daily comparison that we do.... It's about the NEVER EVER feeling like you've actually made it.  It's about having something special to go to in June and wondering how you will lose 20 pounds before then, because maybe, just maybe all will be well in your world. It's about correct chin angles, chest and up shots and putting your children infront of you so you can essentially be in the picture but HIDE at the same time (again, guilty as charged).

Friend...sister....woman.....aren't we done with all this?  Don't we know better?  Isn't is true that we are not defined by what we look like?  I guess not, or what would all the fuss be about?

Are You There Friends? It's Me...Michelle

Are you there friends?

Is blogging becoming a thing of the past?  I don't think so...I hear of lots of quirky and amazing people blogging all the time...I'm just not sure I should be one of them.

I could do a Hawaii by the numbers blog, since we got back a month ago from spending 17 glorious days in the best place on earth...but I digress.  I mean, Hawaii was awesome.  Coming home to snow?  Not so awesome.  What do I really want to let people know?  What is at the heart of ME?

I'm not sure.  I'll keep you posted.  I promise

My Trip to ONEderland....

Sorry.

It's been a while...

I can always hear Billie's voice in my head telling me she loves me but I suck at blogging.

Well? Here I am. In what the Biggest Loser calls 'Onederland'.

After 20 years I broke through the 100 barrier and now see a 1 in front of what I weigh.

Ask me how it feels?

Uh...it feels scary...and unknown...and different than I thought it would. I'm not sure if I thought I would immediately love my body and feel the weight (pardon the pun) of not being 'over 200 pounds' just wash away. I was wrong. I feel the same. Actually I feel scared! Scared of going up over 200, scared of never being DONE....scared of being perpetually unhappy with myself...and scared of letting a number control my happiness. I mean, really, the difference between 200 and 199 is ONE pound...so why does it feel like a hundred pounds?

So, here's what I know for sure (Thank you Oprah). I know that God created me perfectly. I know that I am ENOUGH. I know that I will continue to make the right choices and hopefully, it will pay off, but while I'm stuck here (which I have been for weeks) I will be thankful for who I am. Really. Not what my body looks like, but what my actual heart and soul say about me. What the Creator of the universe says about me.

And He says, 'It is good'.

Just A Small Town Girl

Mostly I love living in a small town.

But here is a little story I call....'TOO SMALL TOWN'

I was in a certain drug store yesterday. The cosmetic lady ringing in my purchase used the F word. While I was at the till. Buying something expensive.

I don't know her. She just used it like we were at the bar. Which we weren't.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, but is it super professional while ringing in someones purchase to utter this sentence 'Oh man, if that f*&%$(ng purfume didn't come in today I was going to have to stay home'.

Uh.....ok then.

Also, then today, at said drug mart (if you will) the pharmacist was waiting in line behind me, purchasing a monster energy drink when I heard him tell his buddy , 'Holy crap, I'm so hungover, man I wish I was still in bed'.

Please don't get a prescription today if you live in Smithers. It may not be safe.

Dear Mart....I get it, we have limited choices so I won't even call to complain about the severe lack of professionalism. Again, I'm no prude. Get drunk, it's not my problem but then maybe don't announce to people that could be sick and relying on you dispensing the correct pills to them, that you were SOOOOOOOOOOO wasted last night.

That's just me, and what do I know? I'm from Manitoba.