A Nine Year Journey

Sometimes I look at the top picture and can't believe it's me.....sometimes I look at the bottom one and feel the same...who is that lady?

 

I'm not trying to be anything for anyone here...I'm not trying to be an inspiration for anybody BUT, if I could say anything to anyone trying to get on a journey to health, it would be these things..

 

If you're not happy at 300 pounds, you won't be happy at 150.  I'm not saying that you won't feel BETTER or that it won't feel amazing to not have to go to the plus sized section but the truth is if you are inherently unhappy, losing anything won't fill that void. That's why people lose 100 pounds and gain it back, because something is missing.

 

It's not about the food.  We've all heard this but it's true.  It's about what the food fills.

 

It's is KINDA about the food.  I love food.  I'm a foodie, and I think life is too short to not eat chocolate, drink a mojito and enjoy some butter chicken.....so I do. I'm trying to learn what moderation means.  It's a struggle.  Daily.

 

If you don't move...it won't stick.  I am also inherently lazy (confession time) but the truth is that in order to keep the weight where it needs to be, I have to move.  The trick to this is that you have to find something you love to do.  I remember hearing people say things like 'Oh, I just love to run, I feel so amazing after'! I always thought they were totally full of crap.  Then I discovered cross country skiing and Zumba.  LOVE LOVE LOVE. However, there are still times I don't want to get out of the house and move...there are times I wish I was one of those people who could eat whatever and never work out...but I can't.  So why bother feeling sorry for myself?  I make sure I move 4 - 5 hours a week.  It's a commitment. It's not always easy but it's the only way for me.

 

It's just a number.  I get that everyone has a number in their head that they say they would be happy at...but it's just not true!  Every time I say I'll be happy at this or that, I reach it and then think...maybe 5 more pounds.  The number can't control me.  I tell myself that daily.

 

Overeating doesn't mean I've ruined everything! I do this thing...I overeat then think I've screwed up so why bother being careful...which usually ends up in me getting what I like to call 'chip drunk'.  It's exactly what it sounds like.  The TRUTH is...so what?  I screwed up.  Start over now.  Not Monday.  Not September.  Not January.  NOW.

 

Accepting a compliment is a step in the right direction.  When someone notices that I've lost weight my automatic response is to shrug it off or even deflect the comment, but the truth is, it's hard work and saying 'Thanks!' is one more way I can accept myself.

 

Comparing yourself to anyone is like drinking poison. This is true of more than just comparing our bodies of course, but my story is not your story.  My life is not your life.  My struggle is not your struggle, right?  If that was true, skinny people would be happy all the time. I have a friend who is thin, but fat in her head.  Her struggle is as valid as mine, even though she looks smaller!

 

A journey means just that.  A journey.  In this lifetime, you may never hear me say that I've arrived!  I'm finally free of this thing that consumes my mind...but what you will hear me say is that every day it's easier.  It's a little less confining.  I think about it a little less.  That my friend, is what I hope for you too.